


1981

by Resonant



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Backstory, M/M, Romance, Smutlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-11-04
Updated: 2004-11-04
Packaged: 2017-10-06 12:45:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Resonant/pseuds/Resonant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something's going wrong with all four of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1981

Sirius won't look at him. His hands are frantic on Remus' back, in his hair, drawing him closer, clinging with something that feels like desperation, but his eyes remain stubbornly shut. Remus wonders how he can be so deep inside Sirius and still feel like he's being kept out. It's a familiar feeling these days.

Something's going wrong, not just between him and Sirius but with all four of them. James is so afraid for Lily and the upcoming baby that he's willing to live in the glorified house arrest that is Fidelius. Peter drinks too much, and every time he's drunk he gets more sentimental, until he's alarmingly near tears, making dramatic speeches about friendship, as though one of them were terminally ill or moving to China.

And Sirius goes out drinking with Peter, and when he comes back, he won't look Remus in the eye.

"Sirius," Remus says sharply, and pushes in too hard, and Sirius' hand makes a fist against his back. "Sirius."

What he wants to ask is, _Why?_ This is no time for secrets, now when everything's getting so frightening. When the Black family owl comes more and more often, and Sirius sometimes takes it into the other room before he opens the message. When Sirius watches him arrive and watches him leave but won't meet his eyes.

Sirius arches his head back, baring his neck, and Remus leans forward to lick it, bite it. "Moony!" Sirius says, bending back still further, bringing his knees up around Remus' hips. He's panting, trembling, all physical vulnerability.

It's just like -- just like back when he --

The pieces fall into place. Sirius is ashamed of himself. He's gone off and done something stupid, and now he's just waiting for the truth to come out, and with the times being what they are, this secret probably makes the old one look trivial. Remus doesn't want to think about what it might be.

Because he's still Sirius, and the sight of his flushed cheeks, the feel of him convulsing around Remus' cock, still takes his breath away, and around those stubbornly closed eyes the lashes are wet, and it's all going to fall apart, and if this isn't the last time it's probably damned close --

"Sirius!" he cries, despairingly, and while he's coming, Sirius opens his eyes at last, and the look in them -- shame, suspicion -- breaks his heart forever, once and for all.


End file.
